I think this was about Lynne in 2011.
I have so many things to say to you I don't know where to begin. I am much more verbal in writing than in person if that makes any sense. I do have a lot to say but do not seem to be very open in face to face conversation. Maybe I like to think about things a bit before I have something to say when you ask me those unusual questions. I don't mind coming up with answers, it's just that I have to mull things over or reach into the past and remember things in full context.
I am in a wierd place in life right now as you may have noticed. What you don't know is that by default I am a very long term, stable, reliable person. I just seem like a flake right now by outward appearances and scary sounding experiences I have had. I get your concerns. They are valid if you don't know me very well.
I have lived a life of many different changes in career paths and lifestyles. I am searching for the one that feels comfortable, challenging, motivating and fullfilling. I would like financial security again and to ensure that it is a stable and generous income.
I am just searching for the right fit of career right now before I use up the last of my internal oomph on learning a whole new database full of career industry information. My head is already full of information about Pottery, Agriculture, the Mental Health care field, Cooking, Pest Control, MCI Long Distance operator factoids, Information technology circa 1993-2011 - ALOT of information in that section of the database, and now returning to the Healthcare field. The healthcare field has a huge database filled with disease names, drug names, body parts, cellular functions and tons of other stuff. Can you see my hesitation to commit to nursing when it involves such a huge amount of oomph to get there from here?
I am using this change in direction time to really find the right path and move steadily towards my goal. I can do a lot of things, but not sure what I will be happy doing. I am digging out of a deep hole that I jumped into last year. I am already above ground and climbing some sort of hill towards whatever is next. I am very happy with my progress in redirecting my course, I just don't have the destination coordinates yet.
I do still smoke pot. Partially because it relaxes me enough to be verbal. I also enjoy just sitting and letting my mind wander through various scenarios of what sort of life I might make for myself. Being stoned does not seem to be all that compatible with being a student though. Sort of screws up my short term memory. I enjoy smoking pot and letting my mind explore various global topics. It is a mental exercise that I enjoy more than playing electronic games or mountain climbing. Some day I may be able to smoke pot again but for now I need to be done. I cannot be an RN and smoke pot or cigarettes.
I should have stayed "quit" last year when I moved to New York. I went for several months not smoking anything and did just fine. I regret starting it again but it is a tough thing to just quit. I know I just need to make up my mind and stop buying cigarettes but I am a stress smoker. I am feeling stress about school, tests, quiz scores, career path choices, loneliness and lack of self confidence.
I am trying to settle my anxiety down but I feel like things are building to a climax and I need to pick a direction! That is good, it is based in ambition to succeed. I will succeed. I always do, I just lack the self confidence to remember what I have achieved in life. That, or I talk myself out of thinking I deserved promotions or raises and someone would find out that I am really unsure of what I am doing. Fake it till ya make it. But, I was good at everything I did. I am sure I will be again at whatever I choose.
So, you see, I do have a lot to say. I just have to think it all over before I talk about things. I understand your concerns and think there is no need to run away from me. I am not moving in. I am not asking for any commitment. I am just inviting you to get to know me. I am confident that you will see that over time my life will start to look the way I want it to again. I am ready to nest in the next few years with someone I would like to remain with for a long period of time. I am not ready to jump and run to rent a UHaul. No need, everything fits in my van still! LOL. No, I have a lease here until December, I am registered for classes at the west campus all summer M, T, W, TH 12-4 and plan to take more classes in the coming semester. Does that help at all?
Everybody has issues, baggage, faults, character flaws, etc. We do seek our own level of dysfunction but I would like to think I have made a lot of progress in life so that my level of dysfunction is at a better plane that in years past. My exes were each wonderful women who were right at that time in my life. I respect each of them and wish them love and success. They each had faults, quirks, behaviors that bothered me but I am sure they would say the same about me. Life is just messy that way. If I waited for someone perfect I would never love anyone. I am not perfect, either. It's just helpful when the "issues" line up ok between partners.
I would like to continue to get to know you and for you to get to know me, over time. I am enjoying who you are and think we could be happier together than apart.
Hope the sale went well and you have a great day.
Robin
Mannde with her own knives engraved... nice lil toes in Birkenstocks, capri pants, cleavage, emotive eyes and untasted kisses.
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